Tyrell Read online

  “Like a thousand million dollars?”

  “Nah, not that much. But a lot.” It’s hard talking to Troy sometimes ‘cause I don’t want him growing up to be like me. I want him to stay in school and do everything right and not think a man always gotta do shit to make fast money. I mean, there’s some men out there that work hard and don’t take no chances with they freedom. Problem is, my pops ain’t one of them.

  And me, I ain’t trying to be one of them men that always gotta be looking over they shoulder for the police neither. I know if I’m with Novisha, she ain’t gonna let me end up like that. But if me and her ain’t together, I don’t know what kinda man I’ma be. I could go any ol’ way.

  I sit there and answer a couple more questions from Troy, then tell him to lay down with us for a few minutes ‘cause it’s too early to get up for school. I start to slide over next to Jasmine, but Troy don’t let me. Nah, my man just climb right in the middle of us. He get under the blanket and rest his head against her arm. And he got a big-ass smile on his face like he right where he wanna be.

  I don’t blame him neither. Jasmine is a nice female to sleep with. Yeah, it’s hard keeping things PG-13 with a girl as fine as her, but if you could get past that, she got the right kinda body to make you comfortable.

  The three of us sleep for ‘bout another half hour, then Jasmine wake up to get ready for school, so I take Troy back to our room. My moms is ‘sleep, so while Troy is in the bathroom, I wake her up to yell at her.

  “He left by hisself,” she tell me when I’m done breaking on her. She don’t even sit up in bed to talk to me. She just lay there like this ain’t no big deal. “He woke me up and asked me where you was, and I told him. He musta left when I went back to sleep.”

  Something ‘bout the way she say it, I know she telling the truth for a change. Leaving the room by hisself do sound like something Troy would do. The only thing I wish is that she was as upset ‘bout this as me.

  While I’m waiting for Troy, I put all the dirty clothes in one garbage bag and tell my moms that she gotta do the laundry today. Shit, just ‘cause we in a shelter don’t mean we gotta look broke down. That’s one thing I ain’t having. Brotha like me gotta keep my shit together at all times. You never know.

  “I need money,” she tell me.

  “What you do with the money Dante gave you?”

  “I only got ten dollars left.” Now she sit up in bed and look at me like I did something wrong. “You wasn’t around yesterday. I had to feed myself and your brother. Don’t you think we need to eat?”

  “Use the ten dollars for the laundry,” I tell her. “If you want more money, you need to get ahold of Dante and get that equipment back.”

  “What I’m s’posed to tell him?”

  “Tell him I need the equipment by Saturday. And if I don’t hear from him today, me and my friends is gonna roll up to his place and kick his ass.”

  Troy come out the bathroom and I go in. I don’t say nothing to him ‘bout what he did yet. Me and him is gonna hafta have a man-to-man on the way to his school.

  When me and Troy get downstairs to the lobby, they got signs taped up on the walls and doors. Folks couldn’t miss them if they wanted.

  TO ALL GUESTS

  DUE TO INCLEMENT WEATHER AND THE

  SUBSEQUENT LACK OF SHELTER BEDS, ALL

  UNDOMICILED FAMILIES CURRENTLY STAYING AT

  THE BENNETT FAMILY CENTER WILL REMAIN AT

  THAT LOCATION UNTIL MONDAY MORNING AT 7:00.

  THE NYC EMERGENCY ASSISTANCE UNIT

  APPRECIATES EVERYONE’S ONGOING PATIENCE.

  —THE MANAGEMENT

  “What them signs say?” Troy ask.

  “They say we ain’t leaving here no time soon,” I tell him. “We stuck.”

  More reason I gotta make us some real money this weekend, I’m thinking as we go outside and get slapped in the face with the freezing cold air. This party gonna hafta work. This is serious now.

  And I can’t believe them assholes actually called us guests. That shit gonna have me bugging all day.

  On the way to the train station, I let Troy know how mad I am that he left the room by hisself. I tell him ‘bout all them people that wanna steal kids and that he gotta be careful, ‘specially at Bennett. Then, when I see he ain’t paying me no mind, I break it down for him and tell him if he leave the room alone again, I’ma hit him.

  “You can’t hit me ‘cause you ain’t my father.”

  “Yeah, I am,” I tell him. “ ‘Til August, I’m your pops, got that?” I keep my voice strong like my pops do when he mad at us and want us to stop doing something. “You got that?”

  “Yeah,” he say. “I said I wasn’t gonna do that no more, right?”

  I can’t stand when he get fresh like that. Actin’ all grown and shit. I gotta work on that ‘cause he wasn’t never that way when my pops was home. He gotta know that he s’posed to act right no matter if our pops is home or not.

  TWENTY-THREE

  At 2:20, I’m in front of Novisha school waiting for her the way I do every Wednesday. Wednesday is our day, so least I know she ain’t gonna dog me like she did yesterday.

  It take a while, but finally some kids start coming out the front doors. Funny thing ‘bout this school is when the kids leave outta here, they look like they had a good time all day. They be laughing with they friends and waving bye to they teachers and shit. You wouldn’t even know they been in school all day by the way they actin’.

  My school wasn’t nothing like this. It was more like a prison, you ask me. We had to go through metal detectors just to get in, and if them alarms went off, we had to go to another room to get searched again with one of them hand wands like they use at the airport. And no matter what you had on you, they would say it was a weapon and take it away from you, even when you was bringing it for school. Shit like compasses for geometry and them little staplers wasn’t allowed in my school. Even rulers. Like we was gonna file them down and make knives outta them or something. The whole thing never made no sense to me. They was s’posed to be getting us ready for college, not a life behind bars.

  Man, I couldn’t stand that place. When last period was over I would just book outta there, trying to get to the train fast before it got too crowded. I just ain’t wanna deal with nothing. And when I would get home, my moms wouldn’t never be there ‘cause she had to pick up Troy from school, so most of the time it was just me and my pops. He would always ask me ‘bout school, but not like a lot of parents do. He would be like, “How much you fail that quiz by?” or “How many classes you cut today?” Crazy thing is, I wasn’t even failing or cutting when he was ‘round and he knew that. He was just trying to let me know he was up on my grades and shit.

  After he got arrested, everything changed. Yeah, I was still going to school and all that, but things at home was so jacked up I couldn’t even think straight. And at school, I just wasn’t having it. If a nigga looked at me wrong, there was gonna be a fight. Anything used to just set me off. The vice principal was always threatening me, saying if I kept fighting he was gonna throw me outta school. Like I woulda cared.

  I mean, I was getting in trouble just ‘bout every day and I got suspended twice, so I just ain’t go back after Christmas vacation. The whole first half of the year was wasted anyway. I only passed math and music, and I was gonna end up in night school or summer school no matter what. What difference did it make if I stopped going?

  I look up and finally see Novisha. She coming out the school talking to Shanice and Ana like she always is. I don’t know what she tell her friends she do with me on Wednesdays, but I know for a fact them girls don’t know what she really up to. When it come to us, she got a lot of folks fooled.

  Today when she see me, she actually look like she happy I’m there. She smile real big and bright, and just seeing that smile make me wanna forget the way she dissed me yesterday. Man, that smile could make me forget anything. And I’m like, that’s how my girl s’posed to
act when she see me.

  After she say bye to her friends, she run over to me like she ain’t seen me in weeks and throw her arms ‘round me. And she kiss me. It ain’t one of the real long, real juicy kisses we famous for, but it’s good. It work. And this time she don’t act all embarrassed kissing me in front of her friends. She into it.

  “Your lips are frozen,” she say.

  “I know. I been waiting a while.”

  “I’m sorry. I forgot my bio book in my locker and I had to go all the way up to the third floor for it.”

  “You don’t need no biology book,” I tell her. “I’ma teach you all you need to know ‘bout the body. Watch.”

  “Well, unless you’re gonna teach me everything I need to know about a cow’s body, I’m gonna need my book!” She start laughing.

  “A cow?”

  “Yeah. Cows have four compartments in their stomachs and we’re supposed to know what each one does.”

  “Man, next time I eat a burger I’ma be thinking ‘bout that.”

  “And they’re gonna make us dissect a cow’s eye next month.” She make her nasty face, but at the same time, she do look like she kinda into all this biology stuff. She probably gonna end up some big-time doctor or something.

  We start walking down the street holding hands. “You wanna go to the diner?” she ask me. “They have the best hot chocolate there. With whipped cream.”

  I ain’t really in the mood for nothing ‘cept getting her back to her apartment and being alone with her. That’s ‘cause today is the day I’ma make my move and take Cal advice for the first time since I knew him. I’ma show Novisha what I can do and give her a preview of how good things is gonna be when we finally hook up.

  The last two nights was real tough, sleeping with Jasmine and not doing nothing with her. That girl is like a test, to see how much I love Novisha, and so far, I been passing. Now I know I ain’t getting no A or B on the test, but I’m least getting a C+ ‘cause I been just ‘bout as good as a normal guy could be. ‘Specially a guy that ain’t getting none from his girl. If she only knew what I was turning down for her.

  We get close to the diner and I tell her I ain’t feeling no hot chocolate today. “The only kinda hot chocolate I want is you,” I say with my smooth self, and she giggle. “But we could still get that whipped cream if you wanna.”

  She laugh and punch me on the shoulder. “You’re nasty.”

  “No doubt.”

  She punch me again, harder, but she still got that smile on her face. I don’t know if it’s just me, but I think when Novisha finally do give it up, she gonna be real into sex. Course I’m hoping she don’t actually make me wait ‘til we married. I’m hoping she get so worked up, she just tell me to go for it one day. One day like today.

  Me and Novisha got our Wednesdays worked out. I pick her up from school and walk her to ‘bout a block from Bronxwood. Then she stop by her moms job while I kill thirty to forty-five minutes. Most of the time, I go see Cal ‘cause, fact is, he the only guy I know who always ‘round. Novisha talk to her moms for a while, then act like she gotta go home to do her homework or something. Then when she get home, she call my cell and I go over there and we get to be alone together ‘til 7:30 or 8:00.

  Most of the time, we don’t get to do nothing no other day ‘cause her moms is always home by 4:00 at the latest. And her moms don’t want me in the apartment when she ain’t there. Yeah, she trust me, but not that much. It’s like she alright with Novisha having a boyfriend long as she can watch us all the time.

  So today I kiss Novisha when we get to the corner by the check-cashing place and she walk to her moms job. I decide to go see Patrick and make sure the music at the party gonna be jammin’. He live in the same building with Cal but on the twelfth floor. When I get near the building, I’m kinda surprised to see Cal out there working ‘cause I thought he wasn’t gonna be ‘round Bronxwood for a couple days after the way Andre threw him out last night and made him go to his moms place. Like a war was ‘bout to break out or something. But Cal out there doing business so I just give him a little nod and walk by him. He don’t say nothing to me neither ‘cause he too cool to talk when he working. I’m used to it, but I still don’t get him sometimes. Shit, when I start making money DJing, I ain’t gonna be like that with no one.

  I can hear Patrick music blasting as soon as I get off the elevator. His moms let me in the apartment and tell me he in his room, which she don’t even gotta say ‘cause that’s where all the music coming from. Patrick got the whole apartment pumping. Shit sound nice too.

  Patrick room is all ‘bout music and movies. The first thing you see when you go in there is all the computers. He got three regular computers and two laptops and all they do is copy DVDs and CDs 24/7. Blank CDs and DVDs and plastic cases is stacked on one side of the room and all the finished ones is on the other, just waiting to be sold. He got all the new movies and CDs and his products look good, too, almost like the real deal. Really don’t make no sense buying them nowhere else.

  And he got DJ equipment too—turntables, a CD deck, mixers, and speakers, but not like what my pops got. He do got enough for a real nice house party though. If Dante keep actin’ a fool, I could use some of Patrick equipment, but his speakers ain’t gonna work in a room the size of the bus depot. I’m still gonna need speakers like my pops got or the music gonna sound like shit.

  Me and Patrick spend ‘bout a half hour going over all the new music he got. He got some good stuff, like he got instrumental versions of some of the rap songs, which, I gotta say, sound a whole lot better without the rapper. The music and the beat sound real nice, and my mind is flying thinking of how I can use them in remixes and shit. Another song he got, the rapper keep saying, “I like it when the honeys shake it, shake it.” The rest of the song is garbage, but I could definitely mix that line with something else.

  The good thing ‘bout going over to Patrick apartment is that I get to use his equipment and do some mixing on the CD deck, which I ain’t never did. My pops don’t be playing no CDs at his parties, so I need this kinda practice. And Patrick use the Denon deck, which got all kinda features and shit. And ‘cause I’m just learning, I wanna try them all out. After a while, I’m jammin’ so loud in his room that his moms come in and tell us to turn the noise down. The woman look like she just ‘bout had it with Patrick and his music.

  When Novisha call and tell me she home, that’s all I gotta hear for me to fly outta Patrick apartment. I mean, why I’ma sit up there with this guy when I could be with my girl, right? I see Cal again downstairs, but I still don’t talk to him ‘cause this time he in the lobby by the mailboxes, and Andre is standing real close to him, whispering. It ain’t no friendly conversation neither. Andre got his finger pointing in Cal face and it’s real obvious he pissed off ‘bout something. Course I’m trying to find out what’s going on, and if it got anything to do with whatever the fuck happened last night after me and Cal left. Just the fact that Andre alive and don’t got no broken bones or open wounds probably mean it wasn’t all that serious, but still, I wanna know what’s up.

  I walk real slow through the lobby and when I get near them, I hear Andre say, “This is a business, man. You either working or you ain’t working.” He still pointing and actin’ like the boss man, and Cal just standing there staring out the window like he trying not to hear what his brother saying. Cal look mad too, but he don’t never talk back to Andre ‘cause, fact is, he a little scared of him.

  Cal don’t see me ‘til I get to the lobby door and when he do, he just look at me for a second then down at the floor like he embarrassed or something. I don’t know why he like that. He always too busy actin’ like he running things that he can’t even keep it real with me, his friend. Don’t make no sense.

  But I ain’t really got time to think ’bout him right now. He be alright. I’ma go see my baby. And I got plans.

  TWENTY-FOUR

  I’m like a spy or something trying to sneak into Novish
a apartment without none of her nosy neighbors seeing me and telling her moms that I was there. But the second I’m in there, I don’t waste no time waiting to kiss her. We kiss from the living room to the kitchen, then, finally I back her up into her bedroom. I got my hands on her waist and I’m pulling her real close to me and I know she can tell how excited I am.

  Finally Novisha come up for air. “Wow. You’re on fire. I need to catch my breath.”

  “I’ma give you two minutes, tops.” I sit on her bed and try to cool myself down so I can take my time with her. It’s Wednesday. We don’t gotta rush today.

  While she take off her uniform blazer and shoes, I grab the fake diary from under her pillow and start reading.

  Dear Diary,

  I don’t understand how my mother could forgive my father so easily. It hasn’t even been two years since he left us. Why doesn’t she remember crying all night and having to beg him for money to pay my tuition and the other bills? I definitely remember how he didn’t even show up to my graduation last year.

  My mother has me thinking too. She tells me she’s a good Catholic, but she’s having sex without being married. Does that make it right? I’m confused.

  I put the diary back under the pillow. “Just ‘cause your moms read that, don’t mean she gonna stop letting your pops come ‘round. He pro’ly doing the right thing in bed.”

  Novisha make that face again, like she just ate something nasty. “I don’t wanna hear about my mom’s sex life, Ty. It’s disgusting.”

  “Yeah, but it’s true. My pops beat my moms down, twice, and she still with him.”

  “That’s because she’s dependent on him for money. My mother was like that too, when they were married. He cheated all the time and she pretended it wasn’t going on because she needed him, but now that she’s working full-time there’s no reason to get back with him. He’s only going to walk out on us again.” Novisha get all sad and her eyes get all watery, but she don’t really cry.