Tyrell Read online

  “Not really,” I say.

  Then I look at her face and there’s something different ‘bout the way she look. She look like a little child, lost and helpless and beautiful. I can’t explain it, but I wanna kiss her, and not like the way we was kissing all week. I’m talkin’ ‘bout a real kiss. One that mean something.

  So I just go for it and kiss them soft, pretty lips. And me and her keep on kissing for a good while. All through the whole rest of the song. It’s like we in our own world or something. She kissing me like she really need me, and right ‘bout now, I know I need her. ‘Cause really, she all I got.

  The party don’t end ‘til ‘bout five in the morning. That’s when I finally get too tired to play no more and the last group of kids finally leave. Regg give Leon his money so he can take his hos and get outta there, then Regg sit on the cooler so he can count out all the money.

  Meanwhile, me and Patrick unplug all the cables and wires while Wayne and Rafael load the speakers and crates in Patrick uncle truck. Patrick all happy ‘cause he made some good money, and he already talkin’ ‘bout the next party. Jasmine all quiet, trying to pack up Patrick leftover CDs and DVDs, but really she ain’t doing much of nothing. And she still look a little sad.

  Regg come over to me and hand me a thick wad of cash. Man, I can feel the pressure leave my body just holding that kinda money. “You still need to pay Rafael and Wayne,” Regg tell me. “And you gotta give Patrick the money for the truck. But after that, you still made a little more than eighteen hundred dollars. And I’m gonna give you the two twenty I made from the beer. Y’all kids be walking ‘round with too much money these days—I kept raising the price of the beer all night, and they kept buying it. I was up to five dollars a can by three o’clock.” He laugh. “Now, with all that money, y’all should have enough to get out that shelter and get a small apartment or something.”

  “Regg, you don’t gotta do that.”

  “Walk me to the door,” he say, and I drop what I’m doing and walk with him. “You a good DJ,” he tell me. “I had a good time watching you tonight. And you kick ass too.” He laugh again. “Call me when you having another party.” We get to the door and he grab me in another one of his guy hugs. “And tell your pops I’m watching out for y’all, okay?”

  “A’ight. Good lookin’ out, Regg.”

  And he gone. Man, that’s a good dude.

  It’s still dark outside while we put the rest of the stuff in the van. When everything loaded up, I go back in the depot to turn the lights off so it ain’t so obvious people was in there all night. The place is fucked. Right before I decided to end the party, some drunk dude went ‘round breaking windows on the buses for no reason, so there’s glass all over the floor, not to mention all the cigarette butts and beer cans. And a lot of kids musta threw up ‘cause there’s all kinds of vomit puddles on the floor. The bathroom is a whole ‘notha story. It’s just plain nasty.

  But we ain’t get caught, everybody had fun, and I got rent money. Far as I’m concerned, that’s all that count.

  Patrick drive the van, and Rafael sit up front with him. Me, Jasmine, and Wayne sit on the floor surrounded by all the equipment, and all the plumbing shit his uncle got back there. We go straight to the mini-storage place and drive ‘round to the side where our room is at. I jump out first and unlock our gate, then I get everybody working. I don’t even pay Wayne and Rafael they $200 each ‘til all my pops stuff is unloaded.

  Man, every time I come to this storage room, I get mad depressed ‘cause all the stuff that used to be in our apartment is here. Everything. Our living room furniture and beds, the TV that was in my room, all Troy toys and books, and my moms shoes and clothes. When we got evicted from our apartment, the marshals padlocked our door so we couldn’t get in. Not that anything was still in there. The landlord already took everything out our apartment and brung it here. We had to pay the first month storage fee just to get in here and grab what we thought we was gonna need for a couple days at the EAU. We ain’t know we was gonna be going from motel to motel for two weeks, then get stuck at Bennett for another. We thought we was gonna be in a real shelter by now.

  I cover all the equipment with a blue tarp just in case there’s a leak. Then, just as I’m ‘bout to leave and get back in the van with the guys, I look over at Jasmine who standing next to me doing nothing. She been all up under me since we got there, and it look like she wanna talk.

  “I’ma be right back,” I tell her, and go out to the van. “Y’all can go,” I tell them guys. “Me and Jasmine, we gonna get back to Bennett by ourself.”

  Course that just get them going, talkin’ all nasty like me and Jasmine wanna be alone so we could screw or something. I don’t tell them no different. Let them dudes think what they wanna.

  I go back inside, and Jasmine is sitting on the dirty floor crying her fucking eyes out. She turned to a mess in, like, thirty seconds.

  I get down on the floor with her, put my arm ‘round her, and let her cry. She need to get it all out. Meanwhile, I’m just saying shit like “It’s gonna be a’ight” when I don’t even know what’s wrong yet.

  Finally she wipe her eyes and say, “I feel so stupid, Ty. Why did I have to ask him?”

  “You ain’t the only one feeling stupid right ‘bout now, know what I mean?” My mind start to go to Novisha, but I don’t let it. I need to keep my mind on Jasmine and find out what happened with Emiliano.

  “Yeah, but I was—” She shake her head and them tears start coming again. “I thought I knew him. I thought he cared about me, like I was his own daughter.”

  “What he say when you asked him?”

  “You know what he said? He said yes, I can live with him.”

  Now I’m confused. I mean, I know I been up all night and I’m starting to bug out ‘cause I’m so sleepy, but if he said yes, what she so upset for? “Why you crying then?” I ask her.

  “Because. You know what he told me? He said, ‘You can move back in, but I gotta tell you something first.’ He was acting all strange, Ty. He said, ‘I’ve been in love with you since the first time I seen you, and I’m always gonna love you and wanna be with you.’ ” Jasmine start shaking now. “He said if I move back in, he wants me to be with him, like his novia. His girlfriend.”

  Damn. Every guy this girl meet just wanna get with her, use her. It’s messed up. “I’ma kick his ass,” I tell her, trying to remember the address where Emiliano live at. I’m pissed and he gonna hafta know it.

  “Don’t do nothing, Ty.”

  “Look, he try to touch you?”

  “No, he’s not like that. He told me he’s not gonna pressure me to do nothing with him, not ‘til I’m ready, but I don’t know what to do. I thought he was…different. I wanted him to be, like, the one man who cared for me because of me, not for nothing else. Just because I’m me. And now I feel so stupid because he’s not the man I thought he was.”

  “You don’t hafta go live with him,” I say, even though me and her both know she don’t really got no other choice. Where else she gonna go? “What Reyna say ‘bout all this?”

  “She doesn’t know yet.”

  “Well, ain’t she, like, your legal guardian or something? She ain’t allowed to just dump you somewhere and forget ‘bout you. You her responsibility.”

  “But it’s not fair to her, Ty. She’s been taking care of me for, like, her whole life. She was only eighteen when our father died and she’s been stuck with me since then. But what about her? When does she get to have fun without some kid to worry about? If I go live with Emiliano, she’s probably gonna feel relieved that I’m not her responsibility no more. She’s only my sister, not my mother.”

  “Yeah, I know, but she ain’t gonna want you with no old dude like that.”

  “Emiliano will take good care of me. You seen how he was with me the other day. He will do anything to make me happy.”

  It sound like she already made up her mind or something. I could try to talk her outta th
is, but what I’ma say? She gotta look out for herself now.

  While I’m locking up the storage room, Jasmine change the subject and talk on and on ‘bout her first day at work and all the mistakes she was making. “I know the lady was getting mad at me because she told me she was only gonna let me help another waitress for a few days, until I learn what I’m doing. Can you believe it, Ty? I’m an assistant waitress now. How pathetic is that?” She try to laugh a little.

  I smile. “Yeah, that’s crazy.”

  “Ay, dios mio!” Jasmine say, all of a sudden. “I almost forgot. I promised to help the lady at the church today. Remember where I took you last week? She’s cooking for the homeless people again and I’m s’posed to meet her there at seven thirty. You wanna come back to the church? We can go get Troy first.”

  “Nah,” I say. Sitting through two hours of Spanish church ain’t something a brotha gonna do twice. Even for the food.

  Me and Jasmine walk ‘cross the parking lot to the street, and I grab ahold of her hand. I feel real bad for her, having to deal with all this. I mean, I know Emiliano gonna take care of her, make her go to school and the doctor and dentist and all that, but she gonna hafta give up a lot for that. And it ain’t right.

  We catch the train, and Jasmine get off at the stop before me ‘cause it’s closer to the church. It’s only 7:00, but it don’t make no sense for her to go back to Bennett then hafta walk all the way back to the church. When I get off the train I stop at a bodega and get me a $25 card for my cell. Then I buy orange juice, some rolls, cheese, and donuts. I want me, my moms, and Troy to eat a good breakfast ‘cause I’m hoping we could go out today and start looking for a apartment. ‘Cause if we don’t find nothing, we gonna hafta go to the job-training-program place tomorrow, and yeah, Bennett is bad, but who know how bad that place gonna be? Probably gonna be worse.

  I walk out that store with the food and still can’t believe I got $2000 in my pocket. It’s wild. One night work and I don’t gotta worry ‘bout nothing for a while. That ain’t bad.

  I walk in the lobby of Bennett kinda feeling good, ‘til I see Mr. Mendoza behind the desk. I’m glad Jasmine ain’t with me ‘cause I don’t want him looking at her the way he do. “Tyrell,” he say as I’m trying to walk past him. “Wait a minute. I got something for you.”

  I stop walking. “What?”

  He holding out a envelope. “Here. This is really for your mother. The ACS people left it for her.”

  “ACS?” I ask him. “Why was they here?”

  Mr. Mendoza smile a little. “I called them.”

  I go over and snatch the letter out his hand. I try to read it, but it’s like some kinda legal shit. Only thing I see that make sense right now is where somebody wrote TROY GREEN on the line that say CHILD’S NAME. Then it go, “The above-named minor child will be placed in the custody of the New York City Administration for Children’s Services pending a family court hearing.”

  And I’m standing there like, fuck, I can’t believe this shit. Troy gone.

  FORTY-ONE

  A hour later, I’m in my room sitting on my bed feeling as bad as I’ma get. Sick. My moms fucked up again. She left Troy alone. One of the guards told me that Troy woke up, ain’t know where his moms was, so he left the room and came down the hall to Jasmine room to find me. But when nobody was there, the kid just lost it, started crying and shit. Them guards had to come and get him. They waited for my moms to come back, and Troy even remembered my cell number, but course I ain’t had no minutes left. Three hours later, when my moms still ain’t get back, they ended up calling ACS ‘cause they ain’t know what else to do with him.

  And I’m like this, what the fuck I do all this work for? It’s like the party was a waste of my time or something. I mean, I did everything I could to keep me and Troy outta foster care, and my moms ain’t had to do nothing but watch the boy. So, yeah, I got money now, but how that gonna help us? The cash in my pocket ain’t gonna do shit for us.

  And now, I’m so fucking tired and I can’t even sleep ‘cause I’m waiting. Waiting for my moms to come back so she can see what she did, see how she screwed up our whole family. Again.

  I open that letter again and read it for like the fifth time. The front just talk ‘bout how the city took custody of Troy because he was being neglected. Then on the back it say my moms gotta go to family court tomorrow morning, probably so they can tell her what she gonna hafta do to get Troy back. Not that she gonna do none of it. She never do. And I hope they don’t think they gonna try and put me in no foster care too, ‘cause I’m too old for that now. I can take care of my own self.

  Sitting there thinking ‘bout Troy start to get to me. I’m seeing his face in my mind and I just want him back. Here. And, to be honest, I get some tears in my eyes. I mean, Troy was probably scared out his mind when he woke up and nobody was here. Then to have some strangers come in the middle of the night and take him away. That probably scared him even more. Least me and Troy was together the last time ACS removed us. Now he gonna hafta go through this by hisself, and he don’t deserve that. Nobody do.

  My moms get back ‘round 8:30 and she walk in real quiet like she expect Troy to be still ‘sleep or something. And when she see me, she act all surprised. “You back already? How was the party?”

  “You see anybody missing?” I ask her. My voice is flat and cold.

  “Where your brother?”

  I don’t say nothing. I just hand her the letter from ACS. She open it but don’t even hafta read the whole thing ‘cause she been through this before. “Oh, no,” she say. “What happened?”

  I feel like I’ma explode. For real. “What you think? You left him here by hisself again. How many fuckin’ times I told you not to do that? What the fuck is your problem?”

  “Watch your mouth,” she say. “You still a child. Don’t think you grown enough to talk to me any way you like.”

  I get up off the bed. “Oh, it’s like that? I ain’t grown enough to curse, but I’m grown enough to work my ass off to support you, right?”

  “When they take him?”

  “How I’m s’posed to know? What time you left here?”

  “Around midnight, but I was trying to get back before he woke up.”

  “Where you go?”

  She don’t say nothing. She just start taking her jacket off like I ain’t even ask nothing. But she look mad guilty though, and that look say it all. She was with Dante. All night.

  She sit on her bed and read the letter. Meanwhile I dump all the clean clothes outta the garbage bag, shake any roaches out the stuff that’s mines, then put it back in the bag. The rest of the clothes stay right there on the bed. Then I go through the room and pack all my shit in that bag. I still got the keys to the storage room, so I don’t gotta worry ‘bout that.

  “I gotta be at the court by nine thirty tomorrow,” she say, “and I want you to come. You can tell the judge that I left you to babysit Troy, and you was the one that left him alone. Then they can’t blame me, and we can get Troy back.”

  No matter how many times it happen, she still surprise me sometimes. ‘Cause I can’t believe what she saying to me. She want me to take the blame and cover her ass again. But if I did that, what’s gonna happen the next time she fuck up? How I know the next time she do something like this, Troy ain’t gonna end up hurt, or kidnapped, or killed? Fact is, she ain’t in no condition to take care of a child by herself. She can’t do it. Simple as that.

  “I ain’t going to court,” I tell her.

  “What you mean? You want me to walk up in there alone? Don’t you care ‘bout getting your brother back?”

  “I can’t go,” I say. “Monday I got a appointment with a lady at ten.” I pick up my garbage bag and open the door.

  “Where you think you going?” she ask me. “And where’s the money from the party? Dante landlord said we can have that apartment as long as we give him two months’ rent and the security deposit tomorrow morning.”

 
“Go be with Dante,” I tell her. “I’m out.”

  I slam the door behind me when I leave.

  FORTY-TWO

  I really look homeless walking through the streets carrying the garbage bag with practically everything I own inside. I’m tired and beat down and miserable, but I still get to Iglesia de Dios del Bronx by 9:00, a hour late. I ain’t think they gonna let me in that late, but they do, no problem. I sit in the back again with the rest of them homeless people and can’t believe it was only last week that I was here before. With Troy.

  I close my eyes and sleep, and the pastor gotta wake me up when the service is over. He say some shit to me in Spanish and point to the basement door. I grab my garbage bag and stumble to the door, so tired I can’t hardly see straight. I just wanna see Jasmine and talk to her, let her know I’m leaving Bennett now.

  Downstairs I find a empty table in the back. Ain’t no way I’m sitting with none of them other folks down here. They the nasty kinda homeless, not like my family or Jasmine. ‘Cause we been holding it together. We ain’t just give up and stop caring ‘bout how we look or smell. And that’s the difference. Some people just don’t care no more.

  Jasmine is helping the lady serve the folks in line. She smiling when she give people the food, and I don’t know how she do it, but she don’t even look all that tired. The pastor come up to me and try to get me to line up for some food, but I shake my head. “No hambre,” I say. I ain’t sure I’m saying it right, but it look like he kinda understand me.

  Jasmine don’t see me there ‘til after a lot of them folks is gone. She run over to my table. “Ty!” She sit next to me and give me a hug right there. “I thought you weren’t gonna come.” She see the garbage bag on the floor next to me. Then she look ‘round the room. “Where’s Troy?”

  “ACS snatched him up.” Saying them words feel like somebody stabbing me in my chest.

  “She left him alone again?”

  I nod my head.