Tyrell Read online

  I don’t say nothing and Jasmine unzip my fly and start to take care of me with her hand. I can tell she a ho, but I’m trying not to judge her ‘cause that ain’t right. I don’t know what her life is like or what she been through. And it ain’t none of my business.

  “Relax,” she whisper.

  I take a deep breath and feel all the pressure and anger start to fade away. She working me so good I can’t hear my moms voice no more. I can’t see the roaches or even smell the odor of Bennett. And I’m falling asleep with a smile on my face.

  SIX

  When I wake up it’s almost 6:00 in the morning and Jasmine is sleeping next to me. It take me a little while to figure out why I’m in bed with her, and when I remember what happened I feel like shit. Why the fuck did I let Jasmine do that to me? What’s my problem? I gotta stop letting things like a stupid fight with my moms make me do shit I don’t wanna do. I can’t mess up what I got with Novisha ‘cause that’s the only thing I got going for me right now.

  I get up outta bed and flip the light switch on the wall. As soon as the lights is on, all I see is, like, hundreds of roaches and shit running ‘cross the floor and walls, back to they hiding places. Bennett is nasty, I swear.

  Jasmine wake up. “Where you going?” she ask me. The lights is bothering her eyes. “Come back to bed,” she say.

  “Nah,” I tell her. “I wanna go to my room and get my clothes.”

  “It’s too early to wake up your mother and brother. Stay with me. Please.” She sound all desperate, like she need someone in her bed with her. It probably don’t gotta be me, just anybody.

  I grab my jacket up off the chair. “I’ma be back,” I say, even though I ain’t planning on coming back.

  I walk down the hall to my room. I hate going back there, but I sure as hell can’t stay with Jasmine right now. Not after what happened last night. I knock on my room door hard ‘cause I know my moms sleep like the dead, but she don’t answer. I knock louder and she still don’t answer. Then I kick the door.

  “What?” my moms yell. Her voice is all rough and dry. I swear, she need to stop smoking so damn much ‘cause she sound like a fucking man.

  “It’s me.”

  “What you want?”

  Why she gotta act like I’m bothering her or something? Her attitude make me sick sometimes. “I want my clothes, what you think?”

  “You shoulda thought of that ‘fore you walked your ass outta here.”

  “I want my shit,” I say, and kick the door three more times. Hard.

  I hear Troy say, “Mommy, let him in.”

  “Go back to sleep,” my moms tell him. “I ain’t got time to deal with his nonsense.”

  I punch the door a few times, then go back to kicking it. I’m mad as I can get. Who the fuck do she think she is? Fuck her. She probably in there all happy ‘cause she got me mad.

  I walk away from the door ‘cause I don’t want her thinking she in control when she not. I don’t need them clothes anyway. Shit. She want them so bad, she can keep them for all I care.

  I get to Novisha apartment looking and probably smelling as homeless as I am. I’m wearing the same clothes I was wearing yesterday and the same clothes I slept in. I couldn’t even take a shower or brush my teeth ‘cause I ain’t wanna go back to Jasmine room and hafta deal with what happened last night. I don’t know how I’m s’posed to go to some awards ceremony like this.

  Ms. Jenkins open the door and when she see me I can tell she feel sorry for me, like I’m one of them hungry kids they put on them TV commercials late at night. Novisha come outta her room wearing this short blue nightshirt. If I wasn’t so funky I would give her a hug, but I don’t even wanna get close right now.

  She don’t mind though. She wrap her arms ‘round me and give me a little squeeze. This the kinda hug she give when her moms is ‘round. The good girl hug. “I’m so happy you made it, Ty.” She smell so sweet, like that peach bath stuff she like so much.

  Ms. Jenkins don’t let me say a word though. “Go put some clothes on,” she tell Novisha. “You know it’s not right to run around like that in front of Tyrell.”

  Novisha roll her eyes. “I told you, Mom. Tyrell respects me.” She smile up at me.

  “He’s still a boy and you’re still a girl. Respect’s not gonna change that.”

  Novisha turn ‘round to go back to her room and I try not to look at the back of her legs. “You don’t gotta worry, Ms. Jenkins,” I say. “You got a good girl there.”

  “I know she’s a good girl. I just hope you’re being a good boy ‘cause I trust you. Don’t make me regret that.”

  Since I’m so early, Ms. Jenkins let me take a shower, and she send Novisha downstairs to the Rite Aid to buy me a toothbrush, some new underwear, and socks. I feel kinda bad making her spend money on me, but I really do need them things since my moms ain’t let me get my clothes from the room.

  “Tyrell,” Ms. Jenkins call through the bathroom door when I’m just ‘bout to get in the shower. “I found a shirt my husband left here a while back. You have to wear your own jeans though.” Ms. Jenkins always call Novisha pops her husband even though they been divorced for almost two years. The man ain’t pay no child support or nothing for almost a year ‘til Ms. Jenkins finally dragged his ass to court. But she don’t hold that against him. It’s like she forgot how bad he treated her.

  I open the door a crack and she hand me the shirt. “Thanks,” I say again. The shirt ain’t too bad neither. Just plain blue with white buttons.

  “And don’t forget to wash that hair. There’s some shampoo in the cabinet below the sink.”

  God, a brotha miss one shower and all of a sudden she actin’ like I’m the funkiest nigga alive.

  By the time I’m finished taking a shower, Novisha back. She hand me the Rite Aid bag through the door and, ‘cause her moms is watching, she cover her eyes so she can’t see me naked. Like she ain’t seen it all before. And she ain’t just get me what her moms sent her for neither. Nah, my girl even got me that $25 card for my cell. I brush my teeth and get dressed feeling good.

  Next thing I know, Novisha is sitting on the couch and I’m sitting on the floor between her legs old-skool style, and she greasing my scalp, combing my hair, and braiding it in neat rows going straight back with the zigzag parts. Shit look real nice.

  I ain’t gonna lie. I like having my girl take care of me this way. I can’t wait ‘til she finish high school and we can live together somewhere on our own. I’ma support her while she in college, pay all the bills and shit, and she can take care of me like this everyday. Man, that’s the way I wanna be living.

  Then Jasmine come into my mind, and I think ‘bout what she did to me. I never shoulda let that shit happen. Now here I am and Novisha is treating me so good, and I’m feeling mad guilty. I don’t know what I’ma do tonight if my moms don’t let me back in the room, but I do know I gotta stay away from Jasmine ‘cause I can’t let what happened last night happen again.

  A couple hours later, I’m sitting in the auditorium of Novisha school, bored out my fuckin’ mind. This is s’posed to be a awards ceremony, but the first hour ain’t nothing but kids singing church songs. Me and Novisha is sitting together next to her moms, who keep checking the back of the room to see if Novisha pops showed up yet. He said he was gonna meet them here, so he either late or not coming. But it don’t matter what time he come ‘cause Ms. Jenkins is saving him a seat.

  When her moms ain’t looking, Novisha whisper in my ear, “I wish she would get over him already. It’s embarrassing.”

  I just shake my head ‘cause I know her moms ain’t gonna get over him no time soon. No matter what my pops do, my moms still love him. I think females is just like that. When they find they man, that’s it. They ain’t looking for nobody else no matter what.

  The singers finally finish they song, and everybody stand up and clap. I don’t feel like getting up, but when Novisha do, I do too, ‘cause I wanna make sure all the guys in the
auditorium know she with me.

  While we standing there, I slip my hand on her waist and kinda rub her hip a little. And I’m real smooth ‘bout it, so her moms don’t see me. But at the same time, my eyes is going from one guy to the next, trying to catch they reaction. Her school got all kinds of kids, but I’m only checking out the Black dudes ‘cause the guy who put them letters in her locker called hisself a brother in one of them.

  “I know what you’re doing,” Novisha say, taking my hand off her hip and looking back to see what I’m looking at.

  “I ain’t doing nothing.”

  “He’s not here,” she say. “So relax.”

  I don’t know if she just saying that or what. She don’t be straight-out lying to me, but I know she probably trying to protect herself too. ‘Cause she know if I see that dude, I’ma hafta kick some ass up in here. I don’t give a fuck ‘bout no awards ceremony.

  Novisha pops get there ‘bout two minutes later. He slide into the seat and give Ms. Jenkins a kiss on the lips. Novisha roll her eyes. Both me and her don’t know what her pops is up to and why he be coming ‘round again like he ain’t never left.

  A couple minutes later, they start calling people up to get they award. Most of the kids is getting awards for they grades. Then they say they got four special awards for kids who do stuff for the community. That’s my girl. She always doing shit for other people.

  Novisha get her award ‘cause she volunteer at this nursing home, and she got a lot of other kids to do the same thing. ‘Cause of her, something like forty kids from her school is volunteering at six different nursing homes in the Bronx.

  When they call her name, I check the room again, trying to see if any of them guys look like they too into her. This one Black guy near the back of the room is standing up, clapping and smiling like a damn fool. I ain’t sure if he the kinda guy that be putting shit in people lockers, but I keep my eyes on him anyway.

  Novisha don’t gotta say nothing when she get her award. She just thank the principal of her school, smile for some pictures, then come back to the seat again. Her moms and pops give her kisses, and she give me the good girl hug again. She show me the little plaque she got. All the money she pay to go to this school, they could give her something a little bigger, you ask me. “Nice,” I tell her.

  “Yeah,” she say. “It’s heavy too.”

  We hold hands again and watch them give out the rest of the special awards. When they call another name, I check back to see if that dude is watching Novisha, but he ain’t. He standing up again, clapping and cheesing it up for the guy getting the next award. I guess he do that for everybody. He ain’t into Novisha. Nigga just like to clap.

  After we leave the school, Novisha pops say he taking us all to Red Lobster. “My little girl don’t get an award everyday,” he say. He put his arms ‘round Novisha shoulders and hug her. “I’m proud of you, baby.”

  “Thanks, Dad.” She smile, but I know she ain’t feeling it.

  We all walk down the street to where Mr. Jenkins parked his car. On the way to Red Lobster, Novisha moms and pops is just talking to her ‘bout the award and how they happy and proud of her and shit. I don’t say nothing. Not that I ain’t proud ‘cause I’m always proud of my girl for all she do, but ‘cause I’m thinking ‘bout the fight me and my moms had last night. How she gonna tell me to go out there and sell weed just to make money for her? Why she don’t care if I get locked up? How she gonna take care of Troy then? Damn.

  All through dinner my mind ain’t even there. I’m eating ‘cause the food is good and I ain’t had seafood for a while, but I ain’t saying a whole lot. Novisha and her moms and pops is talking ‘bout everything, but me, I’m thinking ‘bout Bennett and how much I don’t feel like going back there. And what I’ma do if my moms don’t let me back in the room again? Go back to Jasmine room? Hell no.

  When we done eating, Ms. Jenkins order a whole ‘nother dinner to go. “It’s for your little brother,” she tell me.

  “You don’t need to do that, Ms. Jenkins,” I say. ‘Cause I know Red Lobster is kinda expensive and her and Mr. Jenkins don’t got a lot of money. I mean, it’s bad enough they gotta pay for my dinner.

  “Yes, I do. That little boy deserves to have some good, hot food on a cold night like tonight.”

  “Thanks,” I say. Then I tell Novisha, “I told you your moms is cool.”

  “Don’t tell her that,” Novisha say. “She’s getting souped!”

  Ms. Jenkins reach ‘cross the table like she trying to slap her, but Novisha laugh and move out the way. “Girl, award or no award,” she say, “you’re not too old for me to put across my knee!”

  Everybody is laughing and having fun, and I try to get into it, but it’s real hard. The last time my whole family was together having a good time like this was almost four months ago. For my moms thirty-fifth birthday, my pops took us all to this soul food restaurant on 125th Street. Man, we was greasing and joking ‘round like Novisha family is doing now, but what we ain’t know then was that my pops was gonna get arrested the next day.

  That dinner was the last time our family had fun. After that, all we been having is hard times, first trying to hold on to our apartment, and now dealing with the whole shelter bullshit. And it don’t look like shit gonna get better neither.

  “While we’re waiting for the food, let’s take a walk,” Novisha say to me and grab my hand. “I’m so full. I need to walk some of this off.” Then she tell her moms and pops, “We’ll be right back.”

  We go outside and walk ‘cross the parking lot real slow. For a few minutes we don’t say nothing. Then she ask me if I’m okay.

  “Yeah, I’m a’ight.”

  “You look sad. Is it that place, Bennett?”

  “Yeah, kinda,” I say. “Hunts Point ain’t exactly where I wanted to spend the weekend, know what I mean?”

  We still holding hands, so I stop walking and just give her a big bear hug. Her little body feel real good all pressed up against mines. It’s like she just fit me perfect. We stand there kissing and hugging ‘til a car beep us and tell us to get out the way.

  We start walking back to the restaurant. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Novisha ask me again.

  I kinda wanna tell her ‘bout the fight me and my moms had, but I know if I tell her what my moms want me to do, Novisha gonna get as mad as I was last night. And I don’t wanna mess this day up for her. She don’t need to get all into my shit on her special day. So I just smile. “Course I’m a’ight,” I tell her. “My girl won a big award and made me all proud. How else I’ma be?”

  SEVEN

  I ain’t wanna come back to Bennett, but I know how my moms is, and sometime she don’t know how to deal with Troy by herself for too long. My moms get frustrated and she be itching to go out with her friends and shit, ‘specially on a Saturday night. A couple times she left Troy alone just ‘cause she couldn’t take being locked up in the apartment. That’s why I made sure Troy know my cell number, so he could call me if our moms ever leave him alone.

  I go to our room and knock, but this time my moms don’t curse me out and tell me to go away. This time she open the door looking all tired and mad and shit. “Where you been?” she ask with an attitude.

  “None of your business.” I squeeze past her and go inside. Troy is sitting on the bed watching TV, eating them Cheez Doodles I bought yesterday. Probably ain’t eat nothing but junk all day.

  My moms close the door. “Your little girlfriend braid your hair?” I don’t say nothing ‘cause she know who braided my hair. “What you got in that bag?” she ask.

  “None of your business,” I say again. “It ain’t for you, no way. It’s for Troy.”

  My moms look like she ‘bout to argue, but then she change her mind. “I’m going out with Val and Joanne tonight.”

  “Where y’all going?”

  “None of your business.”

  “A’ight,” I say. “Be like that.” I open the Red Lobster bag and pull out
the plastic container. As soon as I open the bag, the food smell so good it fill up the room. I put the container on the bed.

  “Shit,” my moms say, sucking her teeth. “How you get this?”

  “Novisha moms and pops took us out for dinner.”

  “I thought they was divorced.”

  “They are.”

  My moms shake her head. “Damn shame when two grown-ass people can’t stay together for they kid.”

  I look at her like she out her mind. “Like you and your man, right?” I say. “Y’all doing real good together. You here in a shelter, him locked up at Rikers.”

  “Shut up, Tyrell.” She roll her eyes again and grab a biscuit before I can stop her.

  “Here, Troy,” I say. “This for you.” Then I turn the bag upside down. “Damn, I forgot to get you a fork.”

  Troy make a face, then he say, “Hey, I got an idea.” He run over to his backpack and come back to the bed with two new pencils. “These are chopsticks,” he say with a smile on his face. “Watch me, Tyrell.”

  “You suck on them pencils and you gonna get sick,” I say.

  “I ain’t gonna suck on them. Watch.”

  I watch him struggle to keep the shrimp and rice on the pencils, then he kinda let the food fall into his mouth. The pencils don’t even hardly touch him. He smile. “See?”

  “Yeah, that’s good,” I say. “You smart.” I don’t say nothing ‘bout the mess he making on the bed and floor. A couple more roaches at Bennett ain’t gonna change nothing. Least he eating something.

  My moms go in the bathroom to take her shower. Me and Troy just talk. I tell him that he can’t stay up all night ‘cause tomorrow he gonna do all that homework he was s’posed to turn in last week, plus whatever he gotta do for Monday.